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Saturday, August 2, 2008

My Hidden Downfall

It started 2 years ago when I didn't met the standards of one of my bestfriend. I feel debastated inside. We've been friends for 12 years at that time and I couldn't accept that she's gone in my life.

I hate myself at that time without admitting it.
I feel shame that before she praise me so much to her friends. Suddenly turn me as a damn and crash me six feet below the ground.
I had regrets of loving this person.
I'm afraid that I couldn't have another friend.(But I was totally wrong)
I'm always angry to anything...

Those are my hidden downfalls: hate, shame, regrets, anger and scare of something. I didn't notice that its draining my soul. I almost die last year, the whole story was written in Battle of my Life. I thought it was normal but I'm leading to self destruction. I even remember when I was in the hospital. The days when I was recovering my surgery. I texted her to say sorry but I didn't got a single reply. (It became a big sorry for myself)

From then on each day I always holding on my regrets. Still recalling my past feeling guilty of everything and keep blaming myself. As I'm writing this, I can't help myself not to cry (just to overcome more of this I need to publish it)

As I was keeping this hidden downfalls of mine. It became a full depression last summer. I just stay on my room. I don't like to talk or meet other people. I keep on sleeping all day long. I'm watching TV from morning 'till night.

Being negative at that time fills more negative, some negative and a little negative on my life.

But to all of these situations there are ANGELS that was sent by God. The one who truly loves each human being.